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You can either take advantage of the opportunities that change brings, or stand there, helpless, as others tell you what you have to do. Either look ahead and adapt, or keep waiting for things to go back to the way they were. Your choice. One way, you win. The other way, you lose. It is that simple.
It is always best to be prepared for change so you can master it, rather than find yourself standing there waiting for an announcement that will leave you surprised and guessing. You will do yourself an enormous favor by pro-actively checking in with different resources that will help you to know what is coming in the days ahead. Be sure to monitor every source of news that will give you the advantage of being fully prepared when change occurs.
Monitor:
Technology. It changes by the day, so don’t let it surprise you. Make a deliberate effort to learn how technology will change in your industry - long before it happens. You should always know what is going to happen that will change the way you do business. That way you can be the first to successfully use the technology.
Trends. Know your industry. If competing organizations are shaking things up and getting positive results, you can bet the trend is going to move in your direction. Watch your trade magazines and the websites for your industry’s professional groups. Know what is happening and who is driving the change.
Committees and task forces. This is the place to know what senior leaders are considering - and give you a chance to have input. If you have a chance to volunteer for an assignment to a special committee, take it!
Gossip. Listen to what people are saying. Devise an informal system for rating the credibility of your sources. Just because somebody is wrong 80 percent of the time it doesn’t mean you ignore them. They may well have the most important piece of news right. Just listen, don’t repeat. It does not help your image to be known as a big gossip.
Stockholder news. If your company’s stock is publicly traded, buy at least one share! Then, go to the annual shareholder meeting and read the reports you get. It is amazing what you’ll learn through presentations and the networking opportunities.
So many variables affect your work. Everything from office politics to the price of gas can force you to change the way you do business. We can stubbornly bury your feet your old comfort zones, or you can make a mind shift. Change is so ever-present in this world. Accept it. Grow up about it. Stop whining. You may have enjoyed your comfort zone back when things moved slower , but things don’t move slow any longer.
There are legions of “leaders” out there desperately trying to keep their ships from sinking by plugging up this hole, then running over to the other side and plugging up that one before going over there to plug up the next one. Their ships are taking on so much water so fast that they don’t think they have time to stand back and figure out the master plan.. When the ship is going down, they don’t have time to enjoy the luxury of analysis, goal-setting and benchmarks. They’ve got to plug up all those holes!
If that is how you’ve been handling your challenges, remember that you can’t save a rapidly-sinking ship by plugging up one leak at a time. You may not have time for all the test studies, arguments, focus groups, deliberation and reasoning that you used to experience when you were charting the course, but you must have time to always go back to the core questions that made you successful in the beginning, whether you are analyzing what to do for your company or your career.
What are you after? Seriously, what are your goals? When you are pulled in many directions at one time, it is easy to forget the main challenges you face. At a time like this, it is vital that you know and all of your people know what is expected. State the vision. Let your people know what they need to do, when they need to do it and how. Communicate! With the right goals, people, communication and inspiration, you can do a lot to keep your ship from going down.
It is too easy to get overwhelmed. I know what kind of stress people are dealing with, and the challenges are daunting. But, they don’t have to be crushing. Step outside of the chaos for a minute and look at your situation as an opportunity to see what you are made of. This is your chance to do big things. Some of the things you try will work, and some won’t. But you will emerge from these moments as a stronger leader, tested and proven.
L
ook at all the challenges you face. Get input from others to get perspective on which problems are most critical, then brainstorm solutions can create the greatest results. At this point, you may well advance your career if you demonstrate brilliance and leadership in a moment of crisis, but you will do that best if you just do what needs to be done in the best way you can. You don’t need to be ambitious in a time like this. Your leadership and performance will automatically propel your ambitions if you deliver. The magic right now comes with a bit of humility and altruism.
If you buy into the notion that these tough times present the greatest opportunity for you to stand up and lead, take a deep breath and center yourself. Before you devise your vision of what you are going to do and how you are going to do it, check in with yourself.
Your core values will define your path. Many a great leader has veered off course at some point by doing what he or she thought was is expected and selling out a little bit of idealism or a smidge of integrity - only to find that the final reward was anxiety, frustration and self-loathing. Some people make that error and do an immediate course correction to honor their values. Others keep racing off in the wrong direction. That approach does not work if you hope to emerge from your career with your soul fully intact. It might help your career, but eventually, you will pay a psychic price. Integrity is worth too much to compromise.
So, always ground yourself with your values so you know what you expect of yourself before you expect anything of others. Those gut checks keep you honest and project trustworthiness. They also make it a lot easier to make decisions and take action. You know your boundaries and beliefs. Honor them.
Begin by getting perspective of what you are fighting for. I remember my first job on a daily newspaper - the then tiny Bradenton (Fla.) Herald. The politics were fierce, and as nasty as they come. I am not kidding. I accidently found out that one editor was wire-tapping another one - in an effort to become king of the tiny Bradenton Herald!
It is amazing what people will do to win in situations that are so small and meaningless.
Before I explain the steps you can take to let your full leader emerge from within, remember who you are and what really matters. I keep thinking about those nasty people at The Herald. What did they win? Nothing.
Know that you are moving forward with integrity and fighting battles that count.
There is a right way to make change. There is a wrong way to make change. Any beginning leadership book will tell you that. It will tell you about getting input from others so that you create the buy-in that will make you successful. It will tell you how to stage change so things are not too painfully drastic. It will tell you how to communicate your vision, and all of the basics.
Just remember one thing. You are dealing with human beings.
Your people are not FTEs on an organizational chart. They are human beings with feelings, who want to feel secure, needed and valued. They have families. They have stresses at home. They have health concerns, financial worries and a full menu of personal insecurities. They may work with you because they love their work, or because they need the paycheck, or both. But, they are counting on you.
Whatever vision you have, remember their feelings. We can try to teach everyone to love change because change is the one certainty in corporate life these days, but guess what? There are legions of people who will never love change. It’s not in them. They feel safe when things are predictable and they know the territory. They don’t want to have to prove themselves over and over again. They may have seen dozens of change agents or countless change plans come down from above. They have worked for good managers and bad managers, and may take pride in the fact that they’ve outlasted the worst of them.
They may not be easy to manage or lead, but remember, they are human beings. The universe begins and ends with them. They see everything through their own prism, which is not your prism. They don’t automatically appreciate your ideas or plans. They may be negative or cynical because they are afraid.
As a leader, you sometimes have to assume the role of parent - whether you think that is your job or not. “Because I said so” is the worst explanation for change, so take care to articulate the reasoning for your decisions. Sometimes, all you need to do is say, “Here is where we are, here is where we need to be, this is how we can get here and this is how you are critical to our success.”
If you are expecting more from people, show them what’s in it for them. It’s not enough to say, “Do this and you get to keep your job.” Instill a little pride in them for their company and show how they are key to making it succeed.
Change is unsettling. There is a little bit of hand-holding that has to go on just because of the insecure nature of people, and even if you think it is unnecessary, it really is your job to go to your people and lead them - not order them. That means finding ways to get them to follow you. You may be able to order your people to do certain tasks or job, but followership means they pitch in and propel the success of your vision.
Change is more visible and rapid-fire as leaders jostle to protect their companies during tough times. They cut budgets, transfer resources, try new procedures, move people around, take things away, start using new terms, voice new visions and continually shake things up in hopes of doing what they have to do in order to weather the storm. Sometimes, their decisions make sense immediately. Sometimes, they don’t, Sometimes, things work out. Sometimes they don’t.
If you aren’t the rule-maker, your “buy-in” will be appreciated by those who are making all the change. Sometimes it is hard to offer that buy-in, especially if the change is radical or if you know in your gut that it won’t work. You may be able to help influence change by giving useful feedback that might steer things another way, but there will be times when you have to conform in order to be viewed as a valuable team player.
When it comes to change:
- Your first job is to survive to fight another day. You might have the greatest ideas in the world, but it won’t matter if you wind up labeled a naysayer, trouble-maker or whiner. Choose the battles you can win, and fight them so you remain effective to fight again.
- Don’t be too quick to dismiss other people and their wild ideas. There will be times when your own biases will stand in the way of your growth. Approach change with an open and receptive attitude so you can always be part of the solution - not the problem.
- People wrongly assume that status quo implies a certain degree of security. There is no security in this world - just look at the number of people who banked on it and were laid off. Security comes from within, knowing you can face any obstacle and adapt to any change.
- Even if you don’t like what is going on, find a way to build your own success within the new constructs. What can you contribute? How can you make yourself more valuable?
Always, always, always behave in a way that makes you viewed as part of the solution - not part of the problem.
- When news of change first comes down, stifle your initial reaction. You may be reacting to the fact that you don’t like change in general, not to the actual change you are facing.
- Do not complain about what is going on to your colleagues. This will tag you as an impediment to your leader’s success, and even if the change concept is misdirected, you won’t want to be seen as a trouble-maker.
- If you are asked for input, give it - constructively. Don’t overdo it. Figure out what you can say that will actually make a difference, and voice your ideas in a way that creates an opportunity for you to take on more responsibility and help move things along.
- If you disagree so completely with the change occurring around you, it may be time to pack up your talent and move on.
There still are a few work environments where the old boss is still in charge doing the same old things the old way. But, those situations are definitely the exception. Today’s workplace has changed. And changed.
Last night, I had dinner with a Wal-Mart executive who explained the whole rap on Gen X and Y workers who care more about free time and self satisfaction than playing by the old rules that all of us Boomers conformed to.
“I had one come to me and talk to me about flex time,” she said. “I said, you want to come in at 8:30 and leave at 6:30? And he said, I want to find a way to take off every other Friday.” I started to “Tsk” out loud, but she stopped me. “I’ll give it to these Gen X & Yers every time. The boomers are there at their desks working all day and all night every day and the young ones text this and do that with the computer and they come in and at 4:30 it is all done and it’s perfect. So, WE have to find a way to work with THEM.”
That’s change. It’s generational, it’s cultural and it really takes an advanced soul to open up to it so easily because it is so absolutely radical. I never would have envisioned telling my boss I expected to get every other Friday off - and getting it. As a leader, my natural reaction would be to say to myself, “What a snot-nosed brat.” But, we are operating in an ever-changing world where our ability to change and adapt will shape our ability to be effective and succeed. I thought that executive was describing presumptuous work ethics of these young people. But her thinking had evolved far beyond mine. She saw their approach as different, and found a way to leave her realm and go into that younger realm to be effective. That is the mark of a good leader.
So many variables affect our work. Everything from office politics to the price of gas can force us to change the way we do business. We can stubbornly hold onto our old comfort zones, or we can make a mind shift. Change is so ever-present in this world. Accept it. Grow up about it. Stop whining. We may have enjoyed a very nice comfort zone back when things moved slower , but that zone is gone. Things do not move slowly any longer.
We were just discussing adapting to change in a business environment. The best example is that notion of “offshore support.”
You have consumers and politicians screeching that it is wrong to send those jobs overseas, but did it stop that moving tide? NO. Instead, some companies have made billions finding ways to expand offshore support to every layer of American business. Others have made fortunes training offshore workers in language and cultural skills so they can effectively serve customers like me. Others companies have created revenue-generating websites showing how to maneuver automated telephone systems and get to the right place with the least amount of brain drain.
Change was happening. People may have stood at the sidelines complaining, but the brilliant ones got in front of the change and made money off of it. Lots and lots of money off of it.
It’s as if the earth used to revolve and now it just spins. It moves faster and faster. Those who “get” that, see trends and stand out front and take advantage of them. Those who don’t just wait for things to go back the way they were, which they never will.
Look at your industry and ask yourself a few questions:
1. How has this company changed in the last decade. The last five years. The last year.
2. Have you been in front of the change, riding along with the change, slowly and begrudgingly adapting the change, or actively pushing against the change, arguing for things to go back to the way they were?
3. How do you anticipate your company or industry changing in the next year, five years and decade?
4. Have you actively studied and brainstormed the possibilities?
5. Have you positioned yourself as a key player in the change strategy? How can you do that?
6. Are you internally networked enough so you can make suggestions and volunteer for assignments?
7. Are you active in your industry so you can benefit from hearing what other companies are doing?
8. Are you a leader in your industry so you can help create the change scenarios that will define what’s ahead?
Take a minute to look at your office. Your computer. Your work product. Your schedule. Chances are great that, ten years from now, you will see yourself sitting in a very different environment doing things very differently. There are so few operations that will stay just as they are so employees can comfortably go to work, knowing what to expect. The world is going to keep spinning at this pace with or without your permission.
You can either take advantage of the opportunities that change brings, or stand there, helpless, as others tell you what you have to do. Either look ahead and adapt, or keep waiting for things to go back to the way they were. Your choice. One way, you win. The other way, you loose. It is that simple.
Change is.
Let it challenge you, excite you and make you rich.
When I started my career, there were only three ways to transmit a document from one place to another: 1) Deliver it yourself 2) mail it 3) use a “Quip” machine, where you’d attach the document to a cylinder that would spin around as a telephone line transmitted information to a similar machine that would receive the page and imprint the image on photo-sensitive paper.
We were elated when FedEx came along and offered next day delivery. Then came the fax, which could actually send it in less than a minute! Then came e-mail, which could send a document in an instant.
You bet that changed how we did our work. It reduced pressure because it was easier to communicate, react, move things along and evaluate what others were doing. But, it increased our stress because the immediacy resulted in even greater demands for output and pressured us with much tighter deadlines.
The world has changed so much. Twenty-five years ago, we were just starting to get answering machines and VCRs. Nobody had home computers or cell phones. Fifteen years ago, we barely knew what the Internet was.
Do you remember when you started calling companies and getting automated telephone systems that kept you holding for an hour before you got a human being, only to be disconnected or realize you were holding for the wrong department the whole time? Do you remember when you first started calling for support and got someone in India who said his name was John and had a language barrier that kept him from even understanding the question, much less answering it?
It doesn’t matter whether you love or hate the massive change that comes with new technology. Time doesn’t wait, change happens. And happens. And happens.
Yes, the world has changed. Times have gotten tougher, but so have we. Ten years from now, you will be able to look back on these days and see people you know who emerged with tremendous success because they stepped up and made the significant contributions that helped turn things around. Right now is your greatest moment to see how you can be one of the people who pitched in and made a difference.
But, you have to stop whining about how tough things are, about how much times have changed, about how bad it is out there. I am telling you - this is your moment. This is your greatest opportunity to step forward and demonstrate what you are made of. Your brilliance is needed, so figure out what you have to offer and position yourself to offer it.
There are chain-of-command and office political dynamics that may interfere with your ability to gain position to make a difference, but figure those things out. Make the connections you need to make by being visible, volunteering for extra assignments, and being a positive force with ideas and energy.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Have you made a conscious decision to get in front of these challenges and be a player?
- What are your greatest strengths? What can you contribute?
- Are you viewed as a “go-to” person? If so, are you delivering the goods? If not, what do you need to change?
- If you were the big boss, what would you change to make the company more successful during tough times?
- How can you stretch beyond your defined role to take an active role in the solutions process?
- Do you have access to the people who can help you implement some of the ideas you have?
- If not, how will you expand your network to include those people?
- How can you best communicate your thoughts and ideas without being shut down?
- Are you working hard enough?
I was on an airplane with someone who was in a loop lamenting how much our world has changed since before 9/11. It is true. Before we felt the vulnerability that came from being attacked on our own soil, we lived very different, sheltered lives. Those were the good old days, and we didn’t even know it. In the years since, we have been shaken by betrayals from our government, big business, our banks, insurance companies and more. We used to feel secure, self-assured and protected. Now, most people feel uncertain, fearful and lost.
It is so easy to feel overwhelmed and want life to go back the way it was, but it won’t. It just won’t. The world evolves, times change, people change, and we never get a do-over. Yes, life used to be simpler, and that we didn’t realize how good we had it. But things can always get more challenging, so we should step up and enjoy this moment for what it is.
The greatest leaders in history all emerged during times of strife and adversity, in moments when there was a desperation for someone to stand up and lead. There is so much opportunity right now, but few people see it. Instead, they seek cover, holding onto whatever security they think they have and hoping against reality that things will just work themselves out.
They wait. Somehow, things will get better - they have to - but you have to ask yourself what you are doing to fix things. If your company is struggling, what are you doing that is creative and courageous that will turn things around? If you aren’t stepping up and volunteering ideas and strategies, you remain part of the problem, not the solution. But, to create more success for yourself (and others), you should make a conscious decision to become part of the solution. You can make this decision if you are a senior manager, a junior manager or an entry-level employee. Just look at the situation from where you are and decide to make a contribution that will advance your company and, in the process, your career.
I don’t know why it happened, but what I am about to tell you is something very disappointing in my life: My username at lucianne.com was de-activated, and it’s been almost six months since I have been able to tweak the arch-conservatives who so predictably spout off their ignorance.
Like, when polls show Obama up, they always write that polls are meaningless and that they are foisted upon us by the mainstream media as a means of forcing the outcome of the election. If McCain is up, they cheer these same pollsters, saying that McCain is doing a fabulous job and hailing Joe the plumber. If McCain goes back down, what do you expect? It’s all a part of the plot. Every single failing of the Bush Administration is the fault of the Democrats. Every one of them.
Yes, that is allegedly the home to the compassionate conservatives. When Bill Clinton went into heart surgery, they mocked him and wished him dead. Real compassionate. You should have seen their glee over Ted Kennedy’s brain tumor.
Here is what was posted about Obama going to visit his sick grandmother:
“You can yell at me if you want, but I am cynical enough about this guy that I suspect he’s going to milk his sick grandmother for all the sympathy votes he can scrounge up. I’m wondering if this sick grandmother is going to die two days before the election.”
”Suddenly ill just 3 weeks before the election. Hmmm. Color me skeptical. Maybe she started to talk about the missing birth certificate and somebody shoved something down her throat…”
“Her death would bring him an additional 3% points.”
Really nice, compassionate people.
You can look at the actual video of news stories where people are quoted in context, but these folks on the website will misquote it and slam it- and call anyone who defends the truth a dumbass.
So, I’d just get on lucianne.com and jab them a little, just to annoy them. Like asking how Christian they were being while wishing people dead. Little remarks like that.
At some point, that website apparently decided I didn’t belong anymore. I’ve communicated with the webmaster several times and have not gotten an explanation. Could it be that the banner-carrier for the right wing is actually censoring me? I actually find it a little humorous because they can’t take a little ribbing. And forget their belief in the First Amendment.
Whatever. I’ve got to go read the Huffington Post now.
I’ve been so disgusted by some of that mob behavior I’ve been seeing on television at political events. We are better than that. Then again, trying to simultaneously paint someone as a terrorist and a socialist is bound to stir up the masses who are looking for a place to vent their anger.
I would like to vent, too. But I am trying to keep my emotions in check. It is getting very hard.
My best friend’s home was burgled two weeks ago and everything was stolen. She can’t get an insurance adjuster to even return her calls. She lives in a nice neighborhood in St. Petersburg where there have been more than 20 burglaries in the last six months. I want to vent about that.
The new tenant I carefully vetted before renting to her bounced one rent check (and has yet to cover it) and was three weeks late with another rent check. Since we are now eleven days from the first of the month, let’s see what the odds are that she will cover the bad check and be on time for November. I want to vet about that.
The investor who bought the home in front of me sacrificed his house to foreclosure. Granted, he over-leveraged the home - put $150,000 in improvements in it when he bought it, but took so much out of it with equity lines as the market value climbed that he pocketed almost $250,000 for the house he actually lives in. He lost the investment home months ago. I saw him there one week ago, digging out the landscaping for himself. I guess he figures the bank won’t notice. I want to vent about that, too.
It’s all starting to wear on us. Those of us who pay our bills and don’t over-extend ourselves are the ones getting nailed by having to bail out those whose bad judgment or greed left them unable to pay their bills. It grates on me that I’ll be bailing out people who are living in homes nicer than mine that they couldn’t afford.
I’m afraid that tough times are going to make us lose faith in each other.
All these burglaries? The police shrug. Bad economy, more crime.
Bounced rent checks? I know. Bad economy. Inflation. Money is tight.
An educated man coming to dig up plants from a yard that is no longer his? Well, that says a lot.
It makes me want to vent.
Several weeks ago, I wrote about my close friend, a very rich man who had destroyed his life with alcohol and anger. He was in an intensive care unit, paralyzed with a major brain bleed. At the time, there was a question of life or death. He lived.
But, what he has and what they expect he will always have is not good. His family has been told he will need 24-hour care for the rest of his life. He is paralyzed with very little progress. He can’t communicate much of anything.
How could this have happened? This man was generous, kind, funny and unbelievably successful. But, he had a dark and brutal side that tormented others - and himself. To be honest, I always thought his drinking would kill him. Seeing what is ahead for him, I kind of wish it had. This kind of life is worse than death to him. I saw him a week ago and he was in a nursing home, strapped to a wheelchair, frustrated with his inability to speak and furious that he could not have a drink. At night, they zip him into a bed with a canvas “cage” around it so he won’t try to get up. He’s paralyzed, so he can’t stand or walk. But his arms are strong enough to move him around and cause him to fall out of the bed.
I’m a little shell-shocked after seeing him. We first met in 2003 when he was a student in a nonfiction-writing course I taught at the Maui Writer’s Retreat. He was the millionaire with the attitude, a spry-looking guy who wouldn’t take his sunglasses off. I am not sure if he was trying to act cool or hide something. But, we got a brother-sister banter going and afterwards, he hired me as his personal writing coach. One side of him would charm me crazy. The other side was verbally abusive. There were days when I should have quit, but I didn’t because the money was so good and I didn’t have to live with him. He was just like having a boss that was a real jerk, only he paid me way better.
Beyond that, I loved him very, very much. He’d had a hard childhood, raised in poverty and constantly beaten by an alcoholic father who eventually shot and killed himself. With that in his DNA, it is surprising that my friend was able to become one of America’s most successful businessmen in the dot.com era. But, he knew how to rock and roll a sales force and did it with global reach, taking home millions in his paycheck.
This taught me what those millions were worth. They did not buy him peace of mind from his past. He admitted his self-esteem was terrible. He’d try to buy love with money - and that didn’t work. He had so many resources that he couldn’t hit rock bottom. He’d been in rehab four times, but always went back to the bottle.
It is such a dark story, but it really shows how money does not buy happiness. It does not fill your life with meaning. So, just be happy now, while you can. Life is fragile. Love what you have.
I wish you could know my father. If I had ten dollars for every time someone has told me how wonderful he is, my IRA would be overflowing and I’d have to force myself to retire. He is that special.
My dad came to this country during the Holocaust, the son of a once-wealthy businessman and a very forceful wife who lost everything to the Nazis. They came here with no command of the language, and with my aunt, all four lived in a one-room apartment behind the candy store they ran. This is, perhaps, standard fare for immigrant stories, but since it is my family’s history, it touches me especially deep. Because of that history, my father has demonstrated a determination and compassion that I have never seen in anyone else. He turned those childhood obstacles into a personal mission of success.
Dad went into the military, which put him through pharmacy school. After working as a pharmacist for a number of years, he met and married my mother - who was a teacher and a tremendous businesswoman. Together, they built Germer Drug Store in Michigan, which Dad operated until I was 14 years old.
The store was in a very nice neighborhood that, overnight, became a crime-ridden and dangerous area. He insisted on staying there to service the community, despite repeated hold-ups. I always knew something would happen to him in that store, and when he would call I would often ask, “Is everything okay?” He’d always reassure me. But, one day he called and I asked that question and he just said, “Let me talk to your mother, okay?” I handed her the phone and heard her say, “You’ve been shot?”
It wasn’t a serious injury, but it really shook us up. They’d talked for years about moving to Florida and a year or so later, they made the decision to move. But, Michigan’s economy being what it always seems to be, the store sold and our house didn’t. Dad took a job with a mall drug store while we waited for our house to sell, and I finally felt he was safe. He wasn’t. Two men came into that store with sawed off shotguns and there was a whole chaotic mess that culminated in a front page story and more worries about his safety.
We moved to Florida when I was 15 and never looked back. He would have been 49 at the time. I am so glad we moved back then because a) Florida is great place to live and b) My amazing mother got to enjoy Florida for 16 years before suffering the terrible stroke that paralyzed her at age 66.
Mom’s caregiving needs were substantial, and Dad was the most devoted nurse she could have asked for. He was always there, at the ready, to help her with anything she wanted. He lovingly bathed her and held her and kept her healthy so that she could live in her own home, in comfort and peace.
In 2001, she started showing signs of dementia, which was later diagnosed as Alzheimer’s Disease. Dad insisted on continuing to care for her and it literally destroyed his back to the point where he has had two major back surgeries and countless steroid shots. Nearly four years ago, we had to face the reality that the time had come for her to go to a nursing home.
It was a hard, painful decision. Dad didn’t want to do it, but she needed more care than any one person could safely give - particularly since she was so severely paralyzed. Once she checked into Freedom Village, she felt safe. Dad felt lost.
I don’t know how he will react to my saying that because he has always taken such pride in maintaining composure, but he did change the day Mom left our family home. Dad visits her four times every day. Those are his happiest hours, even when she is completely unresponsive. She is his wife, the love of his life, and theirs is the most enduring relationship I have ever seen.
Throughout all of this, Dad has denied himself so much because he didn’t want to be frolicking while my mom was in a nursing home. If I tried to take him out in my kayak or fishing or anywhere fun, he’d always decline because he believed it would be wrong to do that because of Mom. That is a degree of sacrifice he shouldn’t have made. She wouldn’t have wanted it, but it was his choice.
I noticed his sport jacket the other day and it was tattered and way too worn out for him to be wearing. I told him I was going to take him shopping, and he refused. I mean, refused. Wouldn’t hear of it. But, I am as stubborn as he is and, eventually, I got him to go to Macy’s. I got him a couple of jackets, a few pairs of pants, shirts, etc. He’d emerge from the dressing room with an outfit on and I saw a new life in him. He was proud and vibrant and strong again.
Speechless.
The most selfless man I have ever known was finally enjoying something for himself, and it felt great.
Well, today I flew US Airways for the first time in a long time. I have gotten used to the fact that the airlines will starve me, regardless of the duration of the flight. Last summer, I flew from Dallas to Anchorage - seven hours in the air - and didn’t get so much as a little bag of peanuts or pretzels. I have been stung by the new rules on baggage where they charge as much as a suitcase costs to check it in. And today? Today was the final indignity.
“Would you like to purchase a beverage?” she asked cheerily.
Purchase a beverage? No, I wouldn’t like to purchase a beverage. I would like for you to give me a beverage, because a 20-cent can of Diet Coke should be included in the $427 I paid for my flight. You’d think, right? But, no.
It is amazing how the cost of gasoline soared so high and stayed that high until we couldn’t afford to pay for it. Then the price went down. But, did the elevated cost of these airplane tickets go down? No. I thought they started charging more because of the gas crisis. Did they stop charging for checking bags? No. I thought that was related to fuel consumption, too.
Oh, she’s back. “Would you like to purchase a snack box?” she asks.
Now, I think they like this. It’s less work for them, and I don’t blame them for wanting less work because I can’t imagine how awful it would be to have to push one of those drink carts up and down these tight aisles, having to give this lady apple juice, that man a rum and Coke and me a Diet Coke and a plastic cup of ice water.
But, travel is hard. It just is. Parking at the airport is the first challenge. Some of those check-in lines aren’t pretty. Security is awful. Why do these airlines have to make matters worse, making me fret about whether I stuffed my carry-on bag too full to get it in the overhead bin. It is already enough of a hassle without them making us having to starve and dehydrate.
I think the thing that irks me most is that these decisions are made by people in boardrooms who are flying in first class, where the drinks and snacks are free. It shows such a disdain for the rest of us - those who fly coach. They shrink the aisles, cram the seats as close as possible, then stick it to us for untold hours, blaming the bottom line for the inconvenience. Again, I just looked. I paid $427 for this. They can carry my bags, give me something to drink and maybe even hand out some peanuts.
But, they don’t.
